Broken Glass
by MelancholyInsanity2397
Summary: "Once something is broken…isn't it easier to just sweep in up and throw it away?" I ask him. He looks at me like I've said the most awful thing ever. Anger lights within those green eyes. Then it is replaced by a sadness that seems to go to his very core.
1. Chapter 1

I was fascinated. By what? Why? It was just a glass. An ordinary glass. When people used to ask me if it was half empty or half full, I'd say it's both. In reality it was both, right? The glass was just sitting there. This time, it was neither half full or empty. It was either full of air, or empty of water.

They had said some days would be tougher than others. Obviously this was one of those days. I had seen my friends yesterday. When asked the last movie I had seen, I couldn't answer. Once I thought of it, I believe the last movie I had seen was a dream. It wasn't reality. It wasn't real. This…this is real, the smell of the crisp air, the feel of the chair underneath me, the empty glass sitting in front of me. Is it empty though?

How does one go about thinking of a glass? I pick it up. It is cold to the touch, and smooth. I wonder briefly if I drop it would it break? Could you put it back together? Do you have the means to put it back together? Do I want to put it back together. Or is it easier to just say it's broken, sweep up the pieces and throw them away? If that's easier, why do we struggle through life? Trying to fix what is broken, knowing it will never be made whole again by any power on Pulse.

"Would you stop staring at that thing? It makes you look like you're crazy." I hear someone joke. I didn't realize someone was in here. When did that happen? I look over my shoulder and see him. My heart beats a little faster, and I smile.

"I didn't realize you where in here. Or that you had came honestly." I say as a little embarrassment washes over me and I stare at the floor.

"That's okay. I didn't mean to embarrass you. You've just been staring at that glass for about…" He looks at his watch, "sixteen minutes." I blush and start to shake. The glass is slipping out of my hand. I put it back down shakily.

I stand up slowly, trying to overcome the constant drowsiness that is now ever present in my life from the unending line of medication. He sees and recognizes that this is one of my bad days. He comes over and takes my hand.

"Where do you want to go?" He asks softly. I think about it for a minute.

"I'd like to go outside, and sit." He nods and we head towards the door. I used to be so strong. I used to be the one to look after him, to help him. Now… ever since I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD, and the medication started, I've relied very heavily on him. It took a long time to accept his help. To break down those strong emotional barriers. I had never let anyone else in besides my sister. With her married to Snow, and a second kid on the way, it was time to move out. The loud bangs of my niece, and the crying triggered the PTSD and several times I had terrified my sister, and myself. Hope had helped me settle in here, to my new apartment right next to his in New Palumpolum. One of quietest neighbors on the entire planet of Pulse.

We reach the little patio area, and sit back down. Hope sits next to me, without taking away his hand. I smile at the gesture. How close we have become. How much more I want from him, but dare not ask. What would happen if I lost him all together? I shudder at the thought of going into a home at only the age of 27.

"What are you thinking of Light?" he asks while turning towards me.

"You." I say honestly. He chuckles a bit and runs his hands through his silver locks. He looks me in the eye and once again I'm sucked into his green orbs. Now at the age of 20, I'm amazed at how he has grown into a man over the years. No longer that scared little boy in the wilderness, but a fearless, caring young man. I sigh heavily and look away. I take my hand away from his. I've indulged in his touches to much. I shouldn't have let him hold my hand for so long. I shouldn't have let him think that this was okay. That I just love him a friend. That's not true. It's wrong to carry on like this. But oh, what would I do without him? Tears are stinging my eyes, and close them to stop them from spilling out.

"Once something is broken…isn't it easier to just sweep in up and throw it away?" I ask him. He looks at me like I've said the most awful thing ever. Anger lights within those green eyes. Then it is replaced by a sadness that seems to go to his very core.

"Is it not sad to throw it away though? To see the thing you have come to enjoy and love be broken and not want to be fixed?" he says softly. I look at him. I had never thought of that.

"Isn't it easier to not want to fix it though?" I ask him in return. He puzzles over that a bit.

"It's true, it is easier to just throw it away. But I could never let it admit it is broken itself. I could never turn away and leave the pieces on the floor. I could never leave you Light." He pauses and looks at me. I don't turn to him. My eyes are filled to the brim with unshed tears, and I'm afraid that if I look, they will surely spill over. He gently takes my chin and turns my face to him. I still look at the ground though. Not wanting to see his face. See the sadness in his eyes I have caused him.

"Look at me." He says sternly. "Dammit Lightning look at me!" I look up. He smiles. I feel a new wave of tears rush into my eyes, pushing the ones I had been holding back over the edge. They spill over and there is no stopping it. He pulls me into his arms. I try to push him away, to get away. He just holds tighter.

"It's okay Light, its okay." He whispers so tenderly. My shoulders shake. This isn't supposed to happen. He shouldn't tell me its okay, nothing is okay anymore.

"I'm broken Hope, I'm not good for you. Why are you here?" I ask harshly.

"When you are trying to fix something broken, it's a work of heart. It might take a while, it might cause a little pain, but it can be done. I'm not leaving you broken Lightning. I'm here for you, always. He kisses the top of my head. My heart breaks, and also beats a little faster.

"I love you." He says. I look him in the eye. He smiles. He leans toward me, and for the first time in my life, I am being kissed. By Hope. I close my eyes, and enjoy the feel of his lips on mine. They are soft and warm. He pulls away.

"I'm sorry light…that was out of line, I shouldn't have…"

"Shut up." I say. He looks at me puzzled. He loves me too, he loves me. New tears start to come. Happy tears. I smile wide and look him in the eye. "I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XIII or any of the characters.

AN: I really didn't think I would continue this, but with just one review from ChainzOfThePast, I was convinced to continue. So here it is! Enjoy

I open my eyes. Was that real? Was that night real? I look around me. Nothing indicates that it was. I'm laying in my bed. The clock says 8:23am. What if none of that happened? They had said delusions were a side effect of the medication. My heart is going crazy, my mind reeling. It had to be! I feel my chest start to compress, and I wrap my arms around myself. Don't cry, don't cry. The more I say it, more inevitable it becomes. The tears spill over. I'm sniffling trying to compose myself. My hands grip my sides so hard it starts to burn. My shoulders shake and the tears won't stop. Please be real…please be real.

I must have fallen asleep again. My chest aches, and my eyes feel sore. I slowly open them, hoping to find a reality I want to awaken to. The bed feels warmer than normal. I look to my side. My heart beats faster automatically. I refrain from smiling; I've been doing too much of that for my own good. Letting people in…not really people, just him. He sees I'm awake. He smiles. That smile, it melts my cold heart. I can't help the smile that comes to my face this time.

"Good morning beautiful." He whispers. I glance at the clock: 10:45am. I look back at him. He seems sad, the green seems more…mournful. I move towards him, unsure of my movements. He sees my hesitation and brings his arm around me, pulling me close. I snuggle to his chest.

"Why were you crying?" he asks gently. I frown. What can I say? Can I blame that on the medication? On my hormones? Or say the truth. That I thought it was too good to be true. Too much happiness coming to fast my way. Good things don't happen to me. I shudder slightly, no need to think about those times anymore.

"I…I didn't believe that last night had happened. That we had talked…that we had…kissed." I say hesitantly. He wraps his arm around me tighter. Like he was afraid of losing me. I was afraid of losing my sanity… He made my mind clear, the day brighter. Quite frankly, he made life worth living.

"It happened, and I'm glad it did. You don't…regret it do you?" He asks honestly. My heart sinks, he took my statement the wrong way. Misinterpreted it. How could he think I regret it? That I don't love him? That I had never wanted this to happen.

"No. Not at all Hope, don't ever think that. I had been wishing…hoping that we could cross that barrier for far longer than I wish to admit." I say shyly. He grins this huge goofy grin. He tilts his head at me, I blush not wanting to go that far into my secret of loving him. Looking away, I punch him in the shoulder.

"Don't get to cocky Esthiem." I smirk at the way his grin falls from his face.

"Don't deny it Lightning, you've been head over heels for from the beginning" he says confidently. I scoff. Rolling my eyes at his attempt at confidence.

"Oh sure, same goes for you then." I say with a smirk. He looks at me seriously. I puzzle over this looks for a bit. He can't be serious? Surely, when he was fourteen, he couldn't have thought of me that way, in our circumstances. My eyes go wide, right? He couldn't have! How did I not see it?

"You're…you're serious?" I ask. He just looks at me and a blush spreads across his cheeks.

"Hope…you couldn't of! You were only fourteen! We were battling for our lives. I was…I wasn't very nice to you. I couldn't believe they would make a child an I'Cie." I stop talking, not wanting to offend him any further. He just smirks and chuckles a bit.

"Of course I did! I mean, your gorgeous Light! I couldn't believe no one had snatched you up the first time I had seen you. The way you held yourself, so high and proud. You were like a goddess. That was until you opened your mouth…" He winks at me and laughs. I pout in front of him. What a jerk, I roll my eyes, not really mad at him for his attempt at humor on my harsh cold ways.

"Kidding, kidding. But really, no I've been in love with you since I first saw you. The way you marched toward the fight instead of away. How you wanted to destroy everything in your path between you and your sister. That much love and compassion, hidden away, locked away to the very core of you were no one could see. No one could see past your icy exterior, no one could see your loss and desperation to get your sister back. You used your rage to fuel your drive. You are unstoppable." He states it matter-of-factly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I look up at him. How could I be so lucky? I lean up to give him a kiss, he replies with one of his in return. I smile at him.

"Well, it's time to get up and around for the day, huh?" I say. The words hit me a minute later. No, just Hope needs to get up and around. What will I have to offer after I take my pills? After I drown out the thought of my own conscious to forget that loud noises sound like… I shake my head, no time to think of that.

"Well come on up sleepy head!" I grab his hand a drag him off the bed. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. I blush and look at anything but him. I feel his eyes on me and can't resist looking up into them. He leans down gently and our lips connect, after a few minutes I pull away. I point to the shower and say,

"Feel free to use it if you want." I start to turn away and head for the master bath. He pulls me back and smiles.

"I don't want to spend any time away from you." I smile and nod. He follows me into the bathroom, and I look at the pill bottle on the counter. Glaring at it. Why do I need these? Why can't I just control myself? Why do I have to be so…traumatized? I sigh heavily, which doesn't go unnoticed. Hope looks at me, he looks from me to the bottle and back. He frowns ever so slightly. He picks the bottle up and reads the label.

"How long have you been taking this stuff Light?" he asks gently. I puzzle. Ever since that…incident.

"Around 4, maybe 5 years. Why?" What's the sudden interest in my medication? I snatch the bottle away from him. I don't like this being put on the spot. It makes me feel like I'm…I'm a freak or something. Suddenly I feel an anger start to rise up in me. I hate this! I hate that I can't control anything, that some certain things trigger things within my mind that I can't control. This feeling of…hopelessness. Of being lost. I start shaking again, my body not knowing what to do with the overwhelming feelings bubbling. This also does not go unnoticed. I grip the bottle so tight my knuckles turn white. Why? I fling the bottle into the mirror. It bounces off not even making a scratch. This irritates me further. I see my reflection in the mirror. I don't recognize the face staring back. There are bags under my eyes, my face is sallow, like I'm sick. I guess I sort of am. Before I realize what I'm doing, I ball my fist up and before Hope can stop me I slam it into the mirror. It makes a satisfying crack. My reflection is a now a dozen broken fragments. It looks better, more like me. I smile slightly. Hope looks at me confused. He's worried. I feel something trickle down my hand. My blood. I look at my hand. Then I look at Hope. Why did that happen? He takes my hand gently and sits me on the toilet seat. He gently removes the glass shards embedded in my knuckles. I hardly feel the pain anymore. He takes out some bandage from under the sink. I sit still, not wanting to cause more damage than I already have. He gently wraps my hand up in the clean white bandage that begins to show spots of my blood. He kisses my knuckles and looks me in the eye. Oh, those green eyes of his. I smile, forgetting my little episode.

"I'll take care of you Light, I promise." I frown a bit, before realizing that maybe…maybe I want him to take care of me.

"I want you to move in with me Light, that way we are always together, I can take care of you. We won't be so lonely, and I'm sure that would get your sister off your back." He says.

I think about it. Living with Hope. I remember when we first came back from "saving" the world. Hope and I had lived together for quite a few years. Till he turned 16, and wanted a little space-I also didn't want his teenage years to be screwed with my diagnoses, which he and I understood. I moved into my sister's and then back again next to Hope about a year ago.

I remember the time when Hope lived with me while my first two years back to work at the Guardian Corps. How he had watched my mental state slowly deteriorate each passing night. While he was supposed to be sleeping for the school the next day, I'd repeatedly see him staying awake on the couch. Waiting for me to return from my long hours. One night had been particularly bad…

Flashback

I stumble into the house. After about 20 past midnight. Hope rushes to my side at the age of 15.

"Here Light, I'll help you." He offers.

"No." I shut him down. What would I say if I couldn't walk by myself? I don't need anyone's help. I roughly shove him aside, stand up a little straighter and walk a few more steps before my legs give away. He rushes over again but thinks better of himself and stops from touching me. Smart kid. I look him over, worry written all over his face. I put my hand onto of his head and ruffle his silver locks. He slightly smiles, before turning to a frown as he sees the blood staining my uniform.

"Light…you're bleeding." He says it as if in awe. I suppose he has never seen me bleed. Never seen me hurt this badly.

"It's okay, just a scratch." I scoff. He shakes his head, as if to clear it. He gently takes my arm and puts it around his shoulder to help me stand up. I frown and grudgingly accept his help. As we stumble into the bathroom, he sits me on the seat.

"Here, take your shirt off." He says hurriedly. Then he pauses and an immense blush rises to his cheeks. "I mean…don't…I just…I didn't…" he mumbles. I chuckle slightly and punch his arm.

"Yeah, sure you didn't." I wink. His blush goes 10 shades darker. I lift the side of my shirt up exposing the gash on my ribs. He winces away from the sight of it. Then digs through the sink.

"Don't you have anything?" he asks. I shrug. I normally just made "homemade" bandages with tape and some paper towel.

"I just make them." He turns to me and shakes his head.

"You truly are ridiculous. And cheap."

"Hey, I am just very aware of the value of money, and don't buy things that aren't necessary." I state. He rolls his eyes at me before giving in a taking some of the paper towel. He starts to wipe off the blood. He is constantly apologizing and I just shrug it off. He puts some paper towel onto some tape and tapes off all the gashes.

"These really need stitches." He says. I scoff again. He looks me in the eye and just shakes his head in disbelief at my stubbornness.

"There, good as new. And look, a free bandage. Hardly cost me a thing!" I playfully say. He smiles a bit before chuckling.

"Whatever…get to bed you workaholic." He says before leaving the room. Not without a shy, goodnight and I love you. I smile and say it back to him.

End of Flashback

Maybe living with Hope is a good idea.

"I'd like that." I say as I look up at him again. He smiles back and hugs me.

"Wonderful, we can start now!" he cheers.


	3. Alternative Ending

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantast XIII or any of its characters.

AN: I kept thinking about what would have happened if it wasn't real for Light. So here is kind of like an alternative ending.

I open my eyes. Was that real? Was that night real? I look around me. Nothing indicates that it was. I'm laying in my bed. The clock says 8:23am. What if none of that happened? They had said delusions were a side effect of the medication. My heart is going crazy, my mind reeling. It had to be! I feel my chest start to compress, and I wrap my arms around myself. Don't cry, don't cry. The more I say it, more inevitable it becomes. The tears spill over. I'm sniffling trying to compose myself. My hands grip my sides so hard it starts to burn. My shoulders shake and the tears won't stop. Please be real…please be real.

I push myself off of my bed, no longer wanting to sit in my own self-pity. As I head towards my front door, I wonder what the purpose of my journey is. I just need to know. Was it real? I open the front door and walk outside. I look to my right, Hope's door is about six feet away. I start walking over to his door when it suddenly swings opens. Hope looks like he has lost it. He's standing in front of me with no shirt, his hair a mess and confusion in his eyes.

"Oh, hey Light. What's up, what do you need?" he asks. I look at him quizzically.

"I was…just wondering if you stopped by last night." I say unsure of myself. He looks at me funny.

"No, I was really busy with work last night, by the time I got home I figured you were asleep, so I didn't stop by." He answers. Instantly my heart sinks. I feel blood rush to my cheeks in embarrassment. I'm such an idiot, of course it never happened. I nod back to him and walk to my door again. He doesn't say anything more, but just stares after me. I open the door and then shut it behind me. My legs start to wobble and I sink down the back of the door. I hold tight to my chest, trying to not let it rip open with the fresh onset of pain. I can't help the tears that fall down my face now. I was so stupid, to actually think that any of that had happened! I feel anger bubble up within my sadness. I stand up tall. I see plates sitting on my counter that I have yet to put away. I grab the first and throw it against the wall, it breaks to pieces. I pick the next one up, and the next, till I run out of plates. I'm feeling better, more in control.

There's a knock at the door, I ignore it. I head into my room. I need to do something with my life today. I look around my apartment, it's a mess. I'll start in my room. As I begin to pick things off the floor, and make my bed, I realize I haven't taken something today. I walk into the bathroom and see the bottle. I snatch it up. What's the point of taking these if I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not? I slam the bottle back down onto the counter and walk out of the bathroom.

As the day continues, I notice I don't get tired as quickly. I smile, reveling in my rebellion. I make my way into the living room to see the pile of glass shards from the plates. I frown. As I pick up the pieces I see you can't really put them back together. Not when they are all mixed with the other pieces. There would be no hope getting these plates back together.

Hope. My mind goes to him. How wrong we would be. I shouldn't have let this yearning in me get so out of hand. I can think clearly today. What would Hope do with me? What could I possibly offer him? No, he needs a real life. He needs to get out and see the world. Not be locked away within a soundproof house such as myself. My resolve lessens though as I continue to think of the silver-haired youth. We could be…no. No, no no. I shake my head, my decision final. We could never be. He doesn't harbor those feelings for me. He probably just helps me out because of some "debt" he thinks he owes me for our I'Cie years. That would make sense. I push Hope from my mind. I don't need to be thinking of something I can never have. Something I could only dream of. I scoff at myself. Yes, dreams is where Hope is apparently. As much as I deny it to myself, I can't wait for the next one…


End file.
